Surgery 16th November - Bullying

[Chongster]

So I've just seen on Aled's blog on the R1 site that this coming Sunday's Surgery will be about bullying. I'm very excited to listen to this one, I'll deffinitely be tuning in, it's such a hard subject, and one I'm very passionate about (or against even).

I was terribly bullied in school, and have had things happen to me which I don't like to talk about, even now, so I think it's great that there's going to be such an open discussion on the air about it! I'm sure it'll be an emotional one!

Best of luck with it Aled.

[postie]

tough subject still a huge ongoing issue in schools today

[Andrew80]

Yeah its a major topic to cover - good luck Aled!
As you say Chong, people who have been bullied even years later sometimes struggle to talk about it.

[Adam]

I was bullied, for a reason I won't elaborate on too much; It was verbal and I got home only to forget about it. I'm never sure if it ever affected to any degree. It was not massively serious like some bully cases you here about, I never thought about taking action or saying anything back, or to any of the teachers. People deal with things in a variety of different ways. Or operate on a forgive and forget basis.

I will certainly be listening to this show too, as it's such a powerful subject & I think people will can all relate to the show in some form. Unless you're super perfect, I think everyone will have been a victim of a bully at some point in their life. Those who haven't been bullied, could well be bullied in later life. And not expect it.

It's not something that happens when you're just at school, can happen at home or at work, or even in the supermarket or a club. Bullying will never be stopped, it can only ever be contained or you'll only able to educate people to an extent. You can't stop people being nasty or horrible. This may well be a strong view, but it can happen at any time.

I've heard stories recently of kids / adults being getting bullied via the internet. Where it's just as hard to block out it out at school, I don't understand how people are not able to block it via the internet. It's sad when you hear of someone taking their life because of bullying, that they had no other option but to say goodbye.

I hope those that have been a bully, also listen to the show. I hope that anyone listening to Aled on Sunday evening who happens to have said something nasty realise the effects they have on people and they change their ways.

[Aled]

Please spread the word where you can as it's not really something we've promoted very much, and I'd hate to think someone who was bullied and was going through it missed out on whatever advice we got from the experts.

xx

[postie]

will do that

[Andrew80]

yes boss!

[Kate]

I've just read in one of the blogs you wrote yesterday on the Radio 1 site Aled that you intend to 'gem up' on bullying. For some reason I get the feeling this wasn't a typo (if it was then I apologise) and that you genuinely do believe that's the correct phrase, which made me laugh. It should of course be 'gen up' as in

gen up

vb , gens up, genning up, genned up adv; often passive; when intr, usually foll by: on (Brit)
informal to brief (someone) or study (something) in detail; make or become fully conversant with
I can only take over this job if I am properly genned up.

I just wanted to straighten that one out, so please don't misconstrue this as me bullying you.

[Aled]

haha. Thank you. Learnt something new :)

[Aimee]

or you could have used 'clued up'....sorry had to put that lol. I saw Adams posted a note on his facebook about this weeks surgery which is great :)

[s4b]

I was also bullied. I was told I was fat when I was a perfect size 10, it made me so miserable I stopped doing any exercise and ate myself up to a size 16. The bitches who did it to me have recently requested I add them on facebook, still contemplating whether to be the better person and actually add them

[Andrew80]

I was also bullied. I was told I was fat when I was a perfect size 10, it made me so miserable I stopped doing any exercise and ate myself up to a size 16. The bitches who did it to me have recently requested I add them on facebook, still contemplating whether to be the better person and actually add them

I dream of being a size ten!

Well you know what I mean

I think you should add them.

[Aled]

they most certainly will have changed since those days, so it might be quite healing to add them as it might help you put the memories behind you.

I hot bullied badly throughought my whole secondary school. I've since met some o the ones that bullied me who've Treated me as their long lost friends. I think some people won't even realize / remember that what they did was classed as bullying!

[Andrew80]

they most certainly will have changed since those days, so it might be quite healing to add them as it might help you put the memories behind you.

I hot bullied badly throughought my whole secondary school. I've since met some o the ones that bullied me who've Treated me as their long lost friends. I think some people won't even realize / remember that what they did was classed as bullying!

Same here Aled, some of my bullies have been shocked to realise that I felt they bullied me. People change.

[Aimee]

Good luck with tonights show Aled, i wont be in to listen to it but im sure it will be a good show and hopefully help a lot of people out there who have been or are victims of bullying. Will try and listen again tomorrow :)

[bbb]

good luck with the show i wont be in to hear it but i will play it on L.A

I think its a very goos subject to talk about good luck xoxo

[postie]

Im gonna be out too sorry but i will go on LA

[Andrew80]

I will be around - chatroom?

[a4308]

I got bullied badly throughought my whole secondary school. I've since met some o the ones that bullied me who've Treated me as their long lost friends. I think some people won't even realize / remember that what they did was classed as bullying!

The one thing i've always wanted to do is become slightly more succesful than people who bullied me throughout high school and then to meet them years down the line and basically put two fingers up at them.

[Andrew80]

Hi Aled, show went really well. Lots of sides of the bullying argument.

[Aled]

Thanks Andrew - and thanks for coming to the chat room. It was a difficult show because there are no obvious answers for bullying.

[Adam]

they most certainly will have changed since those days, so it might be quite healing to add them as it might help you put the memories behind you.

I hot bullied badly throughought my whole secondary school. I've since met some o the ones that bullied me who've Treated me as their long lost friends. I think some people won't even realize / remember that what they did was classed as bullying!

Hence my mention of forgive and forget. I think it's important not to bring things up, people change over time and they're obviously going to be nice if they know of the name and see how successful. Hopefully they're nice to you, but in the back of their heads they remember what they did.

It is like the person above says, a two finger kind of situation. I'm lucky in the respect that I never see these kinds of people.

Although, Facebook, when they try to add you - its almost a perfect chance to ask them a couple of home truths. Then reject them.

[element231]

Aled the show was brill. Reminded me of some past bad times however that was the past. The show must of been very touching to you and many people but I got to say It's The best one yet.
Still waiting for "Aled Is Here!"

[Andrew80]

Thanks Andrew - and thanks for coming to the chat room. It was a difficult show because there are no obvious answers for bullying.

Yeah there are no easy answers but sometimes talking helps - I know at times I felt I had no one that I could talk to that really understood as I thought everyone else was perfect.

I thought it was a good open air discussion (if that makes sense.)

[s4b]

they most certainly will have changed since those days, so it might be quite healing to add them as it might help you put the memories behind you.

I hot bullied badly throughought my whole secondary school. I've since met some o the ones that bullied me who've Treated me as their long lost friends. I think some people won't even realize / remember that what they did was classed as bullying!

So I added them and you're right Aled, they treated me as a long lost friend - you're psychic!

The one thing i've always wanted to do is become slightly more succesful than people who bullied me throughout high school and then to meet them years down the line and basically put two fingers up at them.

I am more successful than all of the bullies, it is a fantastic feeling. :D

[sinister]

Bugger I missed it and am being bullied at work. Fortunately I think I can cope and deal with the situation.

[postie]

we have a system at work where you can report someone in total discretion and it can go above our manager so that it does not get swept under the carpet

[sinister]

the place where i work there's only ten of us and four of them are the joint owners, one of which is doing the bullying.

[postie]

tell me who it is and i will come over and kick him in the nuts
sorry kidding

My advice would be to confront him and ask if he has any problems with you and sit down and explain that its making you unhappy in your work and would like this behavior to stop if not that then talk to one of the other managers and see if he can reason with them
if not then say you will be getting legal advice if the matter is not dealt with
(sometimes confrontation is all it takes to solve the matter)

[sinister]

I'm just biding my time and keeping my diary. The mans a big baby and behaves like a spoilt child. The others know what he's doing and just pretend they don't. I'm just going to let the idiot have enough rope to hang himself. He's already messed with my overtime, and I don't think he realises how serious that is. I'm going to let it run through to the new year before I decide if I want to go for a constructive dismissal or not. In the mean time his behaviour just gives me more evidence against him.

[postie]

that's a good plan he will crap himself when when the proverbial shit hits the fan

[Yudster]

I'm just biding my time and keeping my diary. The mans a big baby and behaves like a spoilt child. The others know what he's doing and just pretend they don't. I'm just going to let the idiot have enough rope to hang himself. He's already messed with my overtime, and I don't think he realises how serious that is. I'm going to let it run through to the new year before I decide if I want to go for a constructive dismissal or not. In the mean time his behaviour just gives me more evidence against him.

Ok - in my previous workplace I was responsible for resolving staff issues such as the one you have - although in a large organisation like mine it was, as you rightly say, actually easier because the structures are in place to be able to deal with it.

First - keeping a diary of the incidents is absolutely the right thing to do, keep on it.

Second - I appreciate that it is a small firm and he is one of the ultimate bosses - but if you have access to a Trades Union (I can't recommend one without knowing more about your firm) you should get in touch - it doesn't matter if you aren't a member, they can and will still advise you.

Third - be very careful with trying to manouevre a constructive dismissal situation. Constructive Dismissal in fact doesn't exist any more - there is only Unfair Dismissal (which also covers cases previously dealt with by Constructive Dismissal). If you leave and go to a tribunal you sound like you have a very strong case, but first be aware that you will only get compensation for loss of earnings, there is no mechanism to award punitive damages, so you won't get anything more than what you would have earned in the period determined by the tribunal. Second, and most important, you won't even get that unless you have approached the person responsible either directly or through another senior staff member in order to try to resolve it in-house. If you just sit there and take it, letting it all build up, and don't attempt to do anything ON THE RECORD within the firm to resolve it, there will be no case for your boss to answer.

Hope it works out for you. If I can help with anything further, just yell.

[sinister]

That's the problem with where I work.
To give you some idea,

No accident book,
No first aider,
No proper extraction for solvent fumes
All fire doors wedged open
I've even had to buy my own light bulbs for the studio.

Anyhoo, hopefully I may be in with a chance of a job at BA next year, double the money and proper working conditions!

fingers crossed. I'm too old and long in the tooth to let eegits bullying bother me, in fact by having perfect time keeping and getting my work done there's not a lot he can do really.

[postie]

HSE would close them down for that

[Yudster]

That's the problem with where I work.
To give you some idea,

No accident book,
No first aider,
No proper extraction for solvent fumes
All fire doors wedged open
I've even had to buy my own light bulbs for the studio.

Anyhoo, hopefully I may be in with a chance of a job at BA next year, double the money and proper working conditions!

fingers crossed. I'm too old and long in the tooth to let eegits bullying bother me, in fact by having perfect time keeping and getting my work done there's not a lot he can do really.

Postie is right. The HSE need to know about this, and they do not need your details if you are the one to tell them.

Having said that, you have a great take on what's happening, and I really hope the job with BA works out for you, that would really qualify as a good ending.

[sinister]

We have HSE inspections but the idiots always give them advanced warning, so on the day everything's spot on. In my working experience small firms seem to be allowed to get away with putting employees at risk. I often hear the argument about small businesses can't afford to implement proper H&S, in which case they shouldn't be in business anyway.

[postie]

you should tip them off and do a random search also the fire brigade can do spot checks too which would also make them close down until proper safety precautions are put in place

[Andrew80]

It would be closed in seconds get them in and let us know how it goes

[sinister]

I'm waiting till I leave, it's all in the book!

[postie]

cool let us know how it goes

[Yudster]

I'm waiting till I leave, it's all in the book!
Bear in mind that if you are thinking about a tribunal, they will want to know why you didn't report it all before and it wouldn't be something they'd look at positively. But if you're leaving for a better job, you might not be thinking in those terms anyway!

[sinister]

I've a better job lined up for the beginning of the new year hopefully. I'm really looking forward to handing my notice in if it all goes to plan.

[postie]

good luck

[s4b]

I'm waiting till I leave, it's all in the book!

Although I can't say I blame you, how would you feel if something happened and someone got hurt or even killed before you reported it. If that happened you would be guilty by omission. Just something to think about.

[sinister]

It's only two of us who would come to any harm and we're both fully aware of all their little HSE lapses. On the plus side, my oh so mature boss has given up on the picking and sniping and resorted to ignoring me, which is much better!

[postie]

lol sounds like he has got the hint