Age difference

[Q]

Do you think its a big deal when people who are dating/getting married or living together have a big age gap?

I dealt with a couple earlier in the week who werre being harassed. The male was in his 50's, and the female in her late teens (19). Neighbours thought this was very odd, and that the male was taking advantage of the young lady.

Does it really matter what the age difference is?

I can see how it may look a bit weird, but surely if you truly love someone it shouldnt matter who it is, what they look like, how old they are.

Also, how would you approach the people who are harrassing them, do you try to convince them that they really are in love, and that there is no funny business going on - or do you ignore the situation and allow the harassment to continue?

[Console]

Does it really matter? Of course not. Is it against the social norm? Yes, so it must be bad.

The general populace don't like things that don't fit into their spoonfed ideas on what society and people within it should be like; that's their problem if they can't see past people's differences, just don't make it other people's problems too.

[Riz]

It shouldnt make a difference, but it does.

I personally couldnt have a relationship with a man much older than me. Its too weird, we'd each be at different stages in our lives, and i dont see how it could work.

Surely that girl wants to go out on nights out with her friends, go to uni or college or whatever. It'd be like trying to relate those experiences with your dad, and that definitely doesnt work!

[dgellis0907]

i personally do not believe i could have a relationship with someone with such an age gap just because i believe our wants would be so extremely different

i dont wish to be awful but i would feel a bit awkward taking a 50 year old to a party full of 19 year olds.

but, each to their own and at the end of the day, as long as they are happy together that is all that should matter.

[postie]

I think as long as both adults are above the age of consent then it should not be a problem but yeah it does look strange and some people think its wrong
my relationship at the mo there is a 12 year gap between us but its already a bit rocky and to be honest i cant see it lasting much longer but who knows

[Riz]

Hmm, so if it was a 16 year old and a 40 year old, you wouldnt question the elder persons actions?

[Blinkie]

Hmm, well like console said 'it is against the social norm' and this is why some people see it as unacceptable. Personally, i wouldn't want to have a relationship with a much older man. I'm 26 and want to marry and have kids soon... i want my kids to have a father in their life and i fear that a much older man would not be able to provide as much as a younger man in terms of 'playing footy in the park' etc and being there as the kid grows older. Saying that though, if i happen to fall for a much older man i wouldn't let the age stand in the way of happiness.

[Harriii]

i think that a bit of an age gap. but like for me 20-30 years wud b a bit much for me, but i dont mind other people having an age gap...

[Ailsa]

My husband is 8 years older than me and I can honestly say that it's never been an issue for me. Others, yes, but not me! People often used to ask me if I felt I'd missed out on anything because we've been together since I was 16, but nope, I've lived my life how I wanted to and I've had no regrets whatsoever.

[Harriii]

well go you Alisa! like i sed i dont mind other people, but for me cant have a big age gap

[Lizzie]

I think 8 years is nothing in the scheme of things. I think if you're talking about a 16 year old girl with a 40 year old boyfriend, then its beginning to get a little pervy. There's nothing wrong with age gaps per se (did I just say per se??), but not when the girl's that young.

My grandmother was 13 years older than my grandfather, which just didn't happen in those days. Their marriage was frowned upon by their parents, and a lot of their friends disagreed. They were ridiculously happily married though, so it just proves that it really makes no difference so long as you love the person you're with.

[Ailsa]

No, 8 years isn't THAT much, but it was when I was a 16 year old schoolgirl and he was a 24 year old man! We got some stick, I can tell ya, but we came out of the other side still being together!

[Harry_Bullocks]

Being on the cusp of (cough cough) 40. I couldn't see myself with a teenager, maybe around the mid twenties I guess would be ok but any younger would feel odd to me.

at the end of the day it's no-one's business apart from the parties involved. If thats what they want then great.

[sinister]

Hmm, so if it was a 16 year old and a 40 year old, you wouldnt question the elder persons actions?

nope you live and learn. as you rapidly approach death you find age differences become increasingly irrelevant.

I was seeing a 23 year old lass for the best part of a year when I was 14-15, mind you she didn't know I was 14.:042:

If they can send you off as rpg fodder at 16, well?

[bbb]

so longs as ther like 19 or above its shouldnt mater tho i would not question a 16year old going out with someone older if they relly love them then it shoul not matter but as always some people are arifd of anything that is difent from they belive or have been thought or how they have been raised but it the edn it doent reely mater it all comes down to how much u love them and they love u and if ur willing to get harrsed jst beacuse ur doing something other view as wrong and diffent then fair dues go for it and if ur still being harsed go to the poilce my own view is claer if u love them then go for it no matter wat people say or think im 20 and my bf/is 27 some ppl have said to him about y is he dateing someone seven years younger and some have said to me bout dateing him being 7 years older i simply said because i love him and it my life i ill do and see whater and whoever i want i dont go by wat other ppl think any more and if that lables me as diifent/ starnge i dont care^_^

[Nina Cupcake]

I don't think it matters.

My girlfriend is 21, granted it's not such a big difference, but it seems like people think the only "normal" difference is less than 2 years... I disagree. Sure, an age gap can be a problem in some relationships, but it's all down to maturity, and you can widen your horizons being with someone older/younger.

It does matter when one of the partners is less than 17 or 18, but from then onwards, I don't think it should make a difference.

[Terrier]

I think what matters is the age of the younger person more than the gap itself. If we're talking about a 17 year old with a 30 year old I don't think that's right, if however we're talking about a 30 year old with a 43 year old I don't see it as being an issue.

[Nina Cupcake]

I think what matters is the age of the younger person more than the gap itself.

Agreed.

A 7 year old with a 14 year old is worrying, but a 20 year old with a 27 year old is fine.

[joy]

Hi Ailsa!!! My name is Joy and I am 16 I have a boyfriend who just turned 24 not to long on the 26th of Sept. I live in Baltimore Md.I really love him and people are saying he is using me, when it is not even like that.This summer we had a lot of drama going on I mean with my mom.We were fighting to make a long story short she always suspected that we were messing. I just told her no because i knew she would call the cops, but she ended up doing it anyway but had no proof. I know you dont know me but i wanted to know did u keep ur relationship a secret? We really love each other.I turn 17 in Jan. I know i dont have long b4 im 18 but it's beginning to get harder for us to keep it a secret. I dont know want to do. sometimed i just want to run away with him and never turn back. i can see it in his eyes that he loves me but is scared at the same time he will get in a lot of trouble. he has a charge for messing with an under age girl b4 but that is beecause she lied about her age, i nevered lied to him i really want it to be a way where we can betogether with out any problems or big scares.

[dgellis0907]

http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30200-1286327,00.html

[Ali]

It shouldnt make a difference, but it does.

I personally couldnt have a relationship with a man much older than me. Its too weird, we'd each be at different stages in our lives, and i dont see how it could work.

Surely that girl wants to go out on nights out with her friends, go to uni or college or whatever. It'd be like trying to relate those experiences with your dad, and that definitely doesnt work!

I must certainly agree.
It's very weird around ages. I know a 14 year old going out with a 43 year old. Yes, he is a big big perv. In my opinion. 12 year olds going out with 18 year olds. It's all very weird...
But once you get past a certain age, it shouldn't really matter, yet it does.

[sinister]

Everything aside, if two individuals want to see each other and there's nothing illegal going on, I don't see it being anybody else's concern but the two individuals involved. It's when others start trying to get involved that can ruin a relationship, and that's the case regardless of an age gap or not.